I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
