cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
