I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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