whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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