Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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