his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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