the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize