Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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