brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
