Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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