How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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