Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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