i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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