Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
