So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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