Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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