I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
