Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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