i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I want is dick and wine.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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