That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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