opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
did i walk over a car last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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