Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
