Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
