so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
