He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
