I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
