My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
