does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
