i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
