i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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