He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
