Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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