You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
