i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
