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End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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