From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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