Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
