Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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