True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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