Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
