He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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