She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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