you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
