OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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