Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
