Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
