I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
