i already hear my dad disowning me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
