He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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