I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
