I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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