So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
