defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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