I like to think it a success when the cops are called
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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