update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
