So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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