Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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