Christians are straight up FREAKS
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
