i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
