end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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