mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
