and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize