I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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