HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
