Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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