Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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