hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
